It’s almost 11pm and I have an unhappy stomach gargling around a mash of frozen yoghurt and Mcdonalds cheeseburgers right now. I know. Disgusting right? In my attempt to distract myself from the obnoxious temper tantrum that is taking place in my stomach right now, I am going to offload rant about something that’s been running through my mind today. The topic being that of ‘fight or flight’.
Biology taught me that when it comes to most stressful situations we tend to either hit things back as hard as we can or do the complete opposite and run as fast as we can in the opposite direction. When it comes to most psychological dichotomic pairings, we often classify one as the ‘good’ choice and the other as the ‘bad’. It’s safe to say that no one wants to admit they are a runner due to the ‘weakness’ it is associated with. Knowing that, I’m still not afraid to admit that I take after the flight trait when it comes to tough situations.
I’ve always laughed to myself when people point out how confidently social I am, because I know I am inherently the complete opposite. Learning how to be social was a conscious decision when I started university. By making a continuous effort to push myself out of my comfort zone, conversation became easier and meeting new people became second nature. I’m still not fully there though. I find that when a tough situation lands my way I turn myself in the opposite direction and avoid facing it at all costs. Even the smallest things or social situations. I’m a person that instinctually flees when things get hard and i’m not afraid to admit it. Since I have recognized it though, I now look at it as just another challenge to conquer.
Some people I have met follow the old way of thinking that you are who you are and that’s that. On the contrary, I’m a firm believer in Bertrand’s words that life is not about finding yourself, but about creating yourself. Body language expert Meg Jay believes in faking it until you become it and I like that. Just because you don’t naturally possess a trait doesn’t mean you can’t strive to gain it. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people justify shitty behaviour with a generic ‘too bad, this is how I am, so you better just accept that.’. To me that’s just a smoke and mirrors phrase to disguise the laziness that really lies beneath it. Look at movies, stories, news articles and look at the top role model based stories and how they tend to be about underdogs. The people that weren’t ‘meant’ to be a certain way, but through hard work and persistence made it happen. That’s the approach i’m taking to changing my personality. Molding it into something I can be proud of. I hope that more people start realizing that, when it comes to personality, conscious change isn’t so bad…and it’s doable. It’s a process, but i’ll get there.
The track has nothing to do with this conversation with myself, but this record has been playing in the background as I type, so why not. xo
It’s crazy how one year ago seems so long ago, but present time feels like it’s constantly flying by. One year is nothing in the grand scale of things, but a lot has changed since then. I try to save playlists I find on old things - cds, iPods, random notes i’ve scribbled - it all goes into a box or filed away into my hard drive. People might call that a digital packrat, but one of my favourite things is finding these encoded time capsules. As much as I encourage and propagate changing yourself for the better constantly, it doesn’t mean you should completely shun appreciating the past and enjoy looking back on what was. That being said, this is probably the last nostalgia-related post I make though for a long long time. I always afraid i’ll metaphorically start running into poles if I keep my eyes fixed behind me for too long. Too many visits to those mental vacation spots and you start to forget to look at what’s in front of you. Today though, i’m enjoying my momentary visit.
This track was on an iPod I found today that haven’t touched in a year. Feels like it sounds.
I’m finding that having another blog, for keeping the things specifically designed and created to exercise the cognitive side of my brain, has been a nice addition to my memory banks. I’ve thought about merging everything into one blog, but keeping the two separate keeps the reading and listening more cohesive and easier to follow. This will remain as micro-memory for specific bits of music and art that I feel the need to post or share. Sometimes they won’t be the more inspiring tracks or even the most technically astute, but the point is to remember and experience versus analyze. The analytical side of my brain will be kept on www.fortigula.tumblr.com and will house the ideas I find interesting as well as my own writing aka random blabberings.
Leaving this post with this fantastic rendition of Fairy Paradise from the Casady sisters. Their work in Cocorosie remains in my favourites and will most likely stay there.
I would love to have a wall like this in an office, behind a front facing desk, with the rest of the furniture and the entire room decor being entirely black & white. Emphasizing and drawing your eye to the wall instead of a plethora of other eye catchers.